The marriage of genres in television that are perceived as different as chalk and cheese have sometimes thrown up classics, though more often than not they have simply confirmed everybody’s suspicions that ‘yes, it was a daft idea to try it.’

Holmes and Yoyo was a marriage of the two in a very loose way, combining the worst officer on the force (Holmes) with an android police officer (Yoyo or Yoyonovitch as was his “designation”) and Holmes wasn’t told that his buddy was a experimental robot – programmed via a pocket calculator control panel under his shirt! Not one of America’s finest programmes ever…

Back to Blighty and we find offerings such as Come Back, Mrs Noah. Amazingly this started as a one-off and actually went to a series, probably on the back of its stars rather than the comedy itself. Mrs Noah, played by Are You Being Served’s Mollie Sugden, wins a competition and gets a tour of Britain’s latest entry into the Space Race, a new space station. There to cover the event is reporter Clive Cunliffe, played by the then-recently finished Dad’s Army’s Ian Lavender. Both get blasted accidentally into space along with a ridiculous crew of has-beens and incompetents and have to wait for the equally incompetent Mission Control to bring the wayward station down to Earth again; not surprisingly in TV land, nobody bothered and it’s still orbiting Earth…

And these sort of examples doomed the ‘cosmic comic’ genre for years to come until Red Dwarf came along and proved that yes, we can do it, we can make space funny. How? Because Red Dwarf didn’t necessarily go on about it being in space all the time; it was only a backdrop to the situations Rimmer, Lister, Cat and Holly found themselves in. Indeed, much of the early episodes of Red Dwarf can be likened to episodes of Porridge, with a lot of the best ‘action’ taking place in the two berth sleeping quarters; a direct parallel with Fletcher’s and Godber’s cell-bound exchanges. Certainly if you want to draw for inspiration, why not draw from one of the best sources of all time?

But Red Dwarf is the exception to the rule. Most scifi-comedy shows just haven’t worked. Sometimes it’s not through want of trying, but it just doesn’t gel. Other times you think it’s working, but it isn’t, and you can’t put your finger on why. When you find out the possible reason behind that, then you can nail it down, but often you never know – at least until much later. And occasionally, just occasionally, you find out it *wasn’t* supposed to work and then you wonder what the intention was in the first place. And that is what happened with Kinvig.

Des Kinvig owned a run-down repair shop in the fictional suburb of Bingleton, left to him by his father-in-law. Married to wife Netta, a scatty-brained woman who dotes on him and their big hearth-rug of a dog, Cuddly, he idles away his time in the shop, never getting things repaired on time, daydreaming, discussing and swapping theories with his UFOlogist friend Jim Piper. In the first episode “Contact”, a hot-tempered young woman called Miss Griffin comes in looking for the two spare door keys she asked him to cut which, of course, he hasn’t done. She tells him she’ll be back at the end of the day for them, but again he gets talking to Jim and forgets making her very angry when she arrives at closing time to pick them up. Making him at least start them, she tells him she’ll be back tomorrow and they’d better be ready – or else.

Asleep that night, Des dreams of her calling to him. He gets up and goes out for a walk, taking Cuddly with him. The dog runs off and Des goes looking for him and at this point that he stumbles across a flying saucer, which has landed on waste ground behind a fence. He investigates, the ramp comes down and he is beckoned aboard by a figure. Inside he finds three creatures from the planet Mercury, bizarre, bewhiskered crewmen called Loon, Bat and Sagga – and Miss Griffin, dressed in revealing space-age fashion. Her attitude towards him is quite different now and she explains that the keys were merely a test, to see if he was the one who could help them; her fiery temper is merely a mask she must assume in order to keep her real identity a secret from other Earth people. The real task for Des is to fix a fault with their ship – an old model that still relies on giant valves (Des admits he thought transistors were only a passing phase). He finds the dodgy connection and fixes it, enabling the ship to return to Mercury, a planet he is told is hollow and that the people live inside on the shores of the inland sea that was brought there from Earth (the Mercurians are all that is left of Atlantis, who evacuated when the Ice Age came). She assures him that they will meet again as they have many tasks to do, and that she will continue to visit him at the shop as her other self. She also cautions him not to tell Netta, although Des asks if he can tell Jim at least a little and she agrees. He leaves the ship and it blasts off, returning home.

The next day Des tells Jim all about what happened. Jim is aggrieved; why couldn’t it have been him? One of the customers comes in and Jim, caught up in the story, yells at her to get out. She does so, stumbling into Miss Griffin and knocking her down. In so doing, her heel comes off and she enters in a worse temper than ever, promising to torment Des with lots of little jobs to keep him busy. All the time he is listening to her rant on, Des can only see the ‘real’ Miss Griffin, reminding him of their real work…

In the next episode “Creatures of the Xux”, more is revealed of the Mercurians’ mission to Earth and Des’ part in it, but at first all he is bothered about are the rates for the shop; at over £83 for the corner rathole that it is, it is way over the odds and he decides to go to the council offices to protest. Miss Griffin comes in for her hairdryer – which he hasn’t started of course – and sets him to work while she waits. Looking around the dump, she wonders what his latest excuse is and he uses his worry over the rates. When she hears that he plans to protest, she lets him off the repair as long as goes to the council at once, which he does. There he protests to the clerk and when he arrives to Mr Horsley, the council leader. Horsley looks at the demand and rather sneeringly suggests that maybe his shop should be re-assessed; the council might do even better out of Kinvig in that instance! Back at the shop, a tired and demoralised Des listens to Jim’s theory that his problems stem from alien ‘culture shock’. Clearing out his father-in-law’s stash of health tonics, he tries a particularly virulent cure-all and finds himself on board Miss Griffin’s ship; the tonic enabled him to make an ‘astral transfer’ and he is now heading for Mercury. There he is introduced to Buddo, one of Mercury’s greatest minds – although he has a little difficulty speaking English accurately. He and Miss Griffin explain to Des that the ant-like Xux are planning to take over Earth using humanoid replicas. Des thinks Horsley might be one, so Miss Griffin gives him a contactor (in the shape of an old penny) and he is returned home. He tells Jim and they both go to check out Horsley. Jim has read up on the subject and humanoids aren’t supposed to have fingerprints, so using some carbon paper and a ruse over Des’ rates demand they manage to check the councillor before being chased off. However, though Horsley does have prints this doesn’t put Jim off; the Xux are obviously better at making humanoids than anyone suspected!

The humanoids are obviously critical to the Xux’ plans, as in the next episode “Double, Double” it seems that have designs on Des himself. Netta and Cuddly both think they saw Des - with Cuddly! - while they were out and so does Miss Griffin, but she feels sure she is mistaken; after all he’ll be back at the shop fixing the catch on her weekend case, won’t he…? At the shop yes, fixing anything no. Jim has also seen the ‘double’ and is very suspicious when he comes to the shop to check, but after close questioning he finally believes Des is the real McCoy. However, this does lead them to wonder if the Xux’ plans are gathering speed a la Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Jim leaves Des in order to sign on, and while he is on his own Des does another astral transfer to Miss Griffin’s ship. They know about the double and have been watching him, but they are too far away to do anything. Miss Griffin suggests he relies on the help of a plant that knows him well, as it will warn him of any danger; Des has a book on the subject. Returning home he moves Netta’s big Mother-in-Law’s Tongue up to the bedroom and wires it up to a bell so it can warn him of any threat in the night; Netta’s not very pleased as he hasn’t taken Cuddly out for his evening walk – and the only threat the plant warns Des of is Cuddly at three in the morning! Next day, Des explains to Jim that he’s had enough and he is going out to face the ‘double’ – and Jim is coming with him! While Jim waits, Des and Cuddly tail the ‘double’ and Cuddly’s double and find that actually he is a recently-retired Northern engineer called Harry Huthwaite – who’s resemblance to Des is only very general apart from the clothes – with his bitch, a dog called Nell. Harry has come south looking for something to invest his golden handshake in – and Des’ shop could be just the thing. Going back to the shop – and tailed by Jim – Harry gets on well with Netta, but his go-ahead plans and assumption that he and Des will become partners with Des doing most of the work does not suit at all. However, before he can do anything Jim takes matters into his own hands and bursts into the shop, chasing Harry round the shop and out the door, nearly knocking over Miss Griffin. In the chaos, Des is thrown on top of her weekend case – and it is now in need of more than just a catch repair…

In “The Big Benders” Des’ dreams of Horsley being put together by the Xux are taken by Jim as a vision of the past. However, it is not until the visit of Charlie the rag ‘n’ bone man with two sacks of bent cutlery he has picked up from the council that this, his dream and the bent key Miss Griffin has asked him to straighten – which he does by smashing seven bells out of it with an old iron – start to add up. He and Jim think it’s a Xux demoralisation tactic; actually the council are just replacing their old cutlery with new from a supplier that Horsley has found. After another astral transfer to Mercury where Miss Griffin and Buddo confirm his fears and charge him with the responsibility of exposing Horsley for what he is. They go to the council offices to do just that. Miss Griffin is working there for Horsley as his temporary secretary and he has more than an eye for her. She brings in a parcel that arrives for him, a large canteen of silver-plated cutlery the manufacturer has given him as a sweetener for getting the contract. Jim and Des have already found the office bins to be full of leftovers from the canteens; of course, humanoids wouldn’t eat, they’d just go through the motions. Taking this as further evidence, they barge their way into Horsley’s office while he is showing the cutlery to Miss Griffin and it goes all over the floor. In a bid to expose him, Des and Jim taunt him to straighten it all with his ‘powers’ as they bend all the brand new forks and spoons before fleeing, leaving Horsley in a rage and Miss Griffin mad with them, for her acknowledgement of knowing them makes Horsley give her the sack.

As a result of this “Where are you, Miss Griffin?” seems to indicate that Horsley the humanoid may have done something unspeakable to the Mercurian woman. After a dream involving Netta’s well-off brother Howard being menaced by the Xux (an image the sleeping Des finds very comforting), he is less than pleased to be reminded that they have to go over there that night. Netta reminds him that at least they get some help from Howard, even if it is only out-of-date groceries from his business. When Jim calls in, Des tells him that he thinks Miss Griffin is in trouble; she hasn’t been seen for a fortnight even though he’s long since fixed her shaver. His and Netta’s evening at Howard’s goes as badly as expected and then deteriorates, as instead of the box of useful, if suspect, groceries Howard gives them an old carpet, which Des suspects used to be in his loo! On the way home, Des’ old Standard Vanguard conks out suddenly. He gets out, suspecting that there is more to than meets the eye and indeed there is; Miss Griffin’s crew have landed nearby having stopped the car. Buddo is also aboard and confirms she has disappeared after making an entry in the ship’s log that Des takes to mean that she’s in trouble at the council offices. In a way she is; next day we see that she has managed to get her job back at the council, but it is obvious that it is only because of Horsley’s designs on her and indeed he propositions her there and then. Netta returns from walking Cuddly to announce she’s just been approached by a lasher on the common, but the dog chased him off. Jim and Des go to investigate, but are mistaken by a woman and a patrolling policeman for flashers themselves! It is only the appearance of the real flasher that allows them to escape being arrested! Returning at night, they discover a car parked on the common – with Horsley and Miss Griffin inside! When they break things up, Horsley drives off, leaving an outwardly-angry Miss Griffin to pull her boots on and run after him. Des thinks her assignation with Horsley was part of her ‘mission’ as noted in the log and believes he has compromised it. Using the old penny he achieves another astral transfer to Mercury where the ‘real’ Miss Griffin thanks him; she was losing control over the Horsley humanoid and could have been done for if he and Jim hadn’t interfered when they did.

The invasion proceeds in “The Humanoid Factory”. After being caught napping by Netta in his chair, Des is visited by Miss Griffin for an emergency repair to her handbag strap and she tells him to smarten himself up a bit. Later in the local Chinese takeaway he and Jim discuss this and are unsure of her meaning. Des thinks he’s being groomed to spot humanoids, and sure enough at that moment Horsley parks up outside, gets out and walks off down a side street. They follow him to an old warehouse that stinks; they think it might be the natural smell of Xux. Actually, it is an old condemned pickle factory and Horsley has given the keys to his nephew Simon so he can use it as a base for his business until he gets orders – for deluxe mannequins! Des and Jim look in his van and find wrapped ‘bodies’ and see him put another in when uncle and nephew leave. Des transfers himself to Mercury, smartening himself up en route to alert Miss Griffin and Buddo. She doesn’t think his new suit is him and tells him to go back to normal and also return to destroy the humanoid factory. Simon goes to tell Horsley that he’s got lots of orders and an offer of a proper workshop, so uncle needn’t pull any more strings for him, but the councillor is too busy sorting out accommodation for a mayoral trip. Leaving he bumps into Miss Griffin and asks her out for the night; she accepts. Armed with old childrens gasmasks from when Netta was a child in the war – which make rather unfortunate comedy duck noises – and crowbars, Des and Jim return to the factory at night and find rows of Horsley dummies. However, none of these ‘humanoids’ have yet been ‘animated’ so they decided to break them up before the work can go ahead. They are disturbed by Simon and Miss Griffin, but escape – although she catches Jim’s name as they run off. Simon wonders if they were industrial spies, but she assures him she thinks not. Next day whilst out shopping with Netta she spots a suit she thinks would look good on him in a window. Des goes over and looks at it and is shocked to discover that it’s worn by a Horsley!

In the final episode, “The Mystery of Netta”, it looks like the Xux are coming for Des. After a dream about Miss Griffin’s ship being attacked where he saves it, Netta begins to act strangely, wanting to learn all about UFOs; she has heard him mutter Miss Griffin’s name in his sleep and thinks she’s been neglecting him. This is confirmed to her when Miss Griffin comes in wanting him to come and free her door loock as it’s jammed with the remains of one of the keys he made for her. While Des is out on this errand, Netta is visited by a man, Jessop, ostensibly from the council, but actually a salesman. There’s some confusion between them over Cuddly; he thinks she’s referring to a child rather than a dog and talks of sending it to school. Later when Des gets back from the errand, which he completes and during which Miss Griffin asks why he doesn’t just up sticks and leave town like she would like to do, Netta tells him all a bout the confusion and that she’s invited him back to tea the following day. Jim reminds Des of an Oklahoma case where a humanoid couldn’t tell the difference between humans and sheep; could he be another of those, using Netta to get at Des? Des transfers to Mercury to ask Buddo and Miss Griffin for help and it is agreed that the tonic may allow them to beam it to Mercury if Des can switch it with Jessop’s tea. When the time comes, Jim hides out the back of the shop as Jessop arrives. It turns out that the educational questions that caused the mix-up related to the potential sale of a set of encyclopedias, as this is what Jessop does. Des tries to pull the switch, but gets confused. First he ends up on Miss Griffin’s ship, then on Mercury, then back on the ship and after each mix-up gets more sizzled by the tonic until he doesn’t know whether he’s coming or going. In the end, and even with Jim’s interference which amounts to naught, he ends up signing for a set. Drunk as a skunk on the tonic with his head swimming in front of the free wallchart that comes with part 1, the last we see of Des is him ‘dreaming’ of running off into the starfield with Miss Griffin…

Considering the pluses, you wonder how in essence Kinvig could fail – and that only goes to prove that its main architect wanted it to, despite any production values it might be given. For instance, the character of Des Kinvig was played by Tony Haygarth, who had become as well known for his part of unctuous slob PC Wilmot in the BBC comedy The Trials of PC Penrose (or Rosie as it was better known) with Paul Greenwood as Tony Robinson would later be for the not too dissimilar character of Baldrick in the Blackadder series. Haygarth had first come to the attention of audiences in the now cult films Percy and Unman, Wittering and Zigo (both 1971). He went on to play many roles in both film and television; on tv they included The Protectors, Last of the Summer Wine, I, Claudius, Holocaust, Warrior Queen, Dick Turpin, Z-Cars and Shoestring before the part of Kinvig came up. Afterwards he appeared in series including Bergerac, Perfect Scoundrels, Between the Lines, Lovejoy, A Touch of Frost and Inspector Morse. Ongoing roles included shows such as Farrington of the F.O, Hardwick House, Making Out, Where The Heart Is and the Borrowers stories, although he was perhaps best known for his role in El C.I.D. with Alfred Molina and John Bird in the late Eighties. In films one of his most recent works was the voice of Mr Tweedy the chicken farmer in the smash Aardman animated film Chicken Run. He is still working, having just aired in four episodes of The Bill.

Netta Kinvig was played by Patsy Rowlands, an actress best known for light comedy roles whether in comedies or to provide the relief in dramas. Her early work on television included episodes of Danger Man, Out Of The Unknown, The Avengers and Doctor In Charge, whilst film roles included parts in A Stitch In Time (with Norman Wisdom), A Kind of Loving (with Alan Bates) and some of the Carry On films [the first was Carry On Again, Doctor (1969), and she did nine altogether]. Other television work prior to Kinvig included Tottering Towers, Please Sir, Bless This House (and its film), The Squirrels and Raven. Later she appeared in Dangerous Davies: The Last Detective (the excellent Bernard Cribbins version recently released on video and DVD), Robin’s Nest, In Loving Memory, Bottom, Peak Practice and Vanity Fair. Her most recent appearance was as herself in a Heroes of Comedy talking about the late Hattie Jacques.

UFO nut Jim Piper was a role that a lot of people would not have immediately associated with actor Colin Jeavons, as his face was perhaps best known at the time as a semi-regular presenter on childrens programmes such as Play School and Jackanory, but in fact he was a major acting talent that never seemed to rise above supporting parts despite his undoubted ability. His first screen role was in a production of Bleak House in 1959, following over later years with lots of other period work including Great Expectations (also 1959) and David Copperfield (1966). He appeared in many of the major series of the time including Maigret, The Avengers, Adam Adamant Lives, The Baron, Man In A Suitcase, Doomwatch, Paul Temple, The Sweeney, Billy Liar, The Fuzz and the first of his outings into Dennis Potter territory, Blue Remembered Hills. He was also well known to youngsters as the narrator of the animated cartoon, Barnaby the Bear. Immediately prior to his role as Jim he could also be found as a compere in The Hitch-Hiker’s Guide To The Galaxy. After Kinvig he continued to turn in excellent performances; his second foray into Potter was in the later Blackeyes, but other work included period pieces such as remakes of Great Expectations and Bleak House, Jane Eyre and forays into the world of Sherlock Holmes, as Inspector Lestrade opposite Jeremy Brett’s Holmes and on the other side of the fence as Moriarty in The Baker Street Boys. Other more contemporary roles came in series such as Terry and June, Only Fools and Horses, Minder, Bergerac, Hannay and The House of Elliott. One of his last roles on screen was as Tim Stamper, smarmy assistant to Ian Richardson’s Francis Urquhart in the first two instalments of the House Of Cards trilogy (his last was To Play The King in 1993). Unfortunately for the world of showbusiness, he has now retired from acting.

With a dual role to perform, Prunella Gee had her work cut out as Miss Griffin, but fulfilled it beautifully – in fact, because of the revealing space-age costumes and bikinis she wore when not on Earth, beautifully was just the right word to guarantee some positive publicity for the series, with one Fleet Street writer dubbing her “Quater-miss”. Her career had started early in the Seventies when she appeared in the series Shabby Tiger, followed by episodes of Quiller opposite Michael Jayston, Hammer House of Horror, Return of the Saint and The Professionals. Roles since Kinvig have been few and far between with only the comedy Constant Hot Water in the mid Eighties proving a recurring role. However, that sitcom starring Pat Phoenix in her first role after leaving Coronation Street showed Gee where she might end up; she has recently been playing the role of Doreen Heavey in the very same soap.

The other main roles of councillor Richard Horsley and Mercurian leader Buddo were played by Patrick Newell and Simon Williams respectively. Both have major careers in television and film behind them, with Newell often remembered now for his role of Mother in the Tara King episodes of The Avengers and Williams for his role as James Bellamy in the classic series Upstairs, Downstairs.

So casting wasn’t a problem; all the main parts went to talented actors. With the exception of some help for the first episode requiring more than one man at the directorial helm because of the initial night filming of the saucer sections (one was an inset for the later “Where Are You, Miss Griffin?”), Les Chatfield was in charge of both direction and production. He was experienced in both, with a track record mostly in comedy and those included The Dustbinmen and A Sharp Intake of Breath (as director) and The Lovers, My Good Woman and Cilla’s Comedy Six (as producer). He’d also helmed other comedies in both capacities, so was no newcomer. He would go on to direct on Brass, Scully, Duty Free, Watching, The Refuge and A Bit of A Do amongst others, and was producer on Moving, Watching and The Refuge. He died in November 2002 aged 70.

Design was pretty ordinary for the contemporary sets of Kinvig’s shop/home and the council offices, though designer Mike Oxley used a little bit of imagination for Mercury with its ‘Hanging Gardens of Babylon’ look and Miss Griffin’s spaceship was nicely done with its giant valves, cobwebs and wires – at least there were no spinning tape decks as used in so many under-budget visions of the future or alien planets! As scifi of any description was hardly an ITV regularity, it would have been so easy to use discarded Tomorrow People sets, moving them from Thames up the road at Teddington to the studios of London Weekend Television.

With most of the costume budget probably going on Gee’s tin-foil fashions, everything else was fairly ordinary for the Earthlings, although the bewhiskered Mercurians, including Williams’ Buddo, were made up with lots of hair and wrinkles to give them a very odd appearance; Williams was given glasses and robes for his status as one of the planet’s finer minds as well as platform shoes which made him considerably taller than all the others on the planet. Everyone looked the part and that was what was required.

Made as it was in the early Eighties, video effects were just starting to come in and some of the newer Top of the Pops/Doctor Who styles were used for sections such as Des’ astral transfers and spaceship takeoffs, and compared to others of the time they stand up perfectly well when viewed today. Money was even spent on the title sequences and credits, with some moody ‘Close Encounters’-inspired opening music and ‘Star Wars’-inspired closing theme by Nigel Hess; this was his first major series as a composer with only a Lennie Bennett series, Bennett Bites Back, on his CV prior to it. He would go on to compose work for major series including Whoops Apocalypse, A Woman of Substance, Vanity Fair, The One Game, Perfect Scoundrels, Wycliffe and Hetty Wainthrop Investigates amongst others; his latest work is on the in-production Ladies In Lavender. The end credits also had plenty of jokes at the supposed expense of director/producer Chatfield; his credit would always be fired at/lasered/blown up/delete where applicable as a final gag and was different every week; as these were all on film and animated, this would also mean an extra bit of thought and money had gone into it.

Finally, you come to the main architect of the piece – the writer. Surely when it comes to writing about scifi you couldn’t go wrong picking Mr Sci-fi himself, Nigel Kneale? That of course depends, and in this instance of course it depends on what he was trying to do when he wrote it. The main thrust of the series is that of Des’ mission for the Mercurians with Miss Griffin as his contact, but since we are introduced to Des as a dreamer and Jim as a fanatic UFO spotter of the first order, can we actually believe that what happens with the alien Miss Griffin isn’t just fantasy on Kinvig’s part? Do she and the other Mercurians exist outside his fevered imagination, or is she really just a hot-tempered young woman who, for whatever reason, refuses to give up on him actually getting the job done for once and returns time and again to his shop. Surely, in her place, she’d have long since stormed out never to return? Whether it was all in Des’ head was never made clear at the time – or since for that matter, although it is generally accepted that Kneale’s idea was that the Mercurian sections were just fantasies.

What has been made clear since though was that this was Kneale’s way of getting back at all those fans who had actually helped build his reputation as an excellent writer in the first place, whether they be viewers that loved his productions or the people who regarded scifi as possibly sci fact i.e. the oft-quoted ‘I was carried off by Venusians’ brigade. While other work did not straddle the science fiction or fantasy genres – such as Look Back In Anger (1958), The Entertainer (1960), HMS Defiant (1962), The Road (1963) and Wine of India (1970) – most of his other writing credits up to that time had been about or related to just that, and with Quatermass they had made his name as a writer (hence the tagline for Prunella Gee’s Miss Griffin). Of course, it wasn’t only about showing up sci-fi fans or UFO spotters, it was also there to show up the likes of council officials and other sorts that Kneale didn’t particularly like. It is notable that the council is Bingleton Borough Council (BBC) and large signs on the offices show this up at every opportunity; this might not have been at Kneale’s direction, but certainly any ITV producer would no doubt always slip a BBC gag in if they could, as was just the reverse. Since a lot of Kneale’s most prominent work had been for the Beeb, it would also seem to be a dig at them on his part, possibly over the problems with getting the final Quatermass serial made (in the end Euston Films had made it for ITV two years before after numerous attempts over the years with the BBC had floundered).

This is not to say that, as a comedy and therefore on purely entertainment grounds, Kinvig did not amuse. It had some lovely comic dialogue throughout the series, with only really “Where Are You, Miss Griffin” not really working out too well. Some of the best exchanges were often between Des and Jim, such as the following from the first episode when Des is telling Jim about the type of ship they have and where it landed…

Des – “I could show you”

Jim – “Let’s take a look!”

Des – “Ah-ah. It’s gone”

Jim – (pause) “It’ll have left marks”

Des – “Ah-ah, didn’t make any”

Jim – “That kind!”

…although Netta wasn’t without some excellent moments as well, such as when she and Cuddly have seen his ‘double’:

Netta – “He thought it was you, you know the way he barks at you, it was that kind of bark, so I said to him I said ‘you’re wrong, Cuddly, that ain’t your daddy’, cos you see the man had a dog with him, so I said to him I said, ‘if that was your daddy, that little doggie would be you,’ and it’s not you is because you’re you aren’t you?...I proved it to him!”

Kneale even lampooned his own profession, with Des and Jim often consulting fiction books from the library for their plans and ways to spot or disable the humanoids. Des thinks it’s all just fiction, made up, but Jim knows better – the writers just think they’ve made it up, they’ve probably all been abducted by aliens at some time and they’re just quoting from their own experiences!

Given that the main point of Kinvig as far as Kneale was concerned was just a way for him to let off steam against the people he wasn’t keen on, it was probably one of the best cases of professional suicide a writer could make since so many lampooned were in or connected to his own success in the industry and by the people that viewed it. Apart from his script for Halloween III, which was extensively rewritten by the director and Kneale had his name removed from it, he didn’t actually work in television or film for five years after Kinvig ended. Coincidence? Perhaps. Although he has worked since with series such as The Woman In Black and Stanley and the Women, his work has been few and far between, and he is now at the age of 82 retired from active writing.

Could it have been different if he’d held his writing tongue, or at the very least used a pseudonym for it? Could there have been more great works from this man? We shall never know. But it’s sad to think that a comedy – which had its moments even if you didn’t always know whether you were laughing with or being laughed at – was there ostensibly for purposes other than to entertain, at least by its writer if not the actors and production personnel. That’s sad. It’s one thing for Kinvig to fail because they didn’t do something right or get the needed ratings or whatever. It’s quite another for it to fail because it had the words ‘SELF DESTRUCT’ built in by the writer.

article copyright PPS / M.Hearn 2004