Stalag Luft
 
 
Some television and radio programmes have become infamous over the years for being awful, a disappointment, an industry joke or just generally not up to scratch. But are they all worthy of their reputations? Did some of them have the rug pulled out from under them in the first place? Were they watched objectively? Or did the critics kill them for the public before they'd even aired?

In this irregular series, we invite members to defend some of those tarnish reputations by playing Devil's Advocate. In this first edition, the Editor would like to place on trial before you
K9 and Company...

  The story

Mid December 1981 and in a churchyard at night, a group of worshippers of the goddess Hecate perform a sacrificial ceremony. They are watched by a local youth as the High Priestess burns not an animal or human in sacrifice, but a photograph of a middle-aged woman.

From the Gloucestershire Standard newspaper we learn that it is a portrait of scientist Lavinia Smith, who is about to do a lecture tour in America. Lavinia is at home in Moreton Harwood trying to contact her niece by telephone, but to no avail. Her friend, Juno Baker, asks what the rush is; she wants to speak to her before she goes away as she's going sooner than expected to replace another lecturer whose gone sick. Juno tells her that the village postmistress, Lily Gregson, was saying that Lavinia is going to be 'spirited away', superstitious tosh that the scientist scorns and has even written letters to the local paper about how the belief in witchcraft in the parish is complete rubbish. Juno cautions her; the local people believe in that sort of thing and it has a hold over them which as a newcomer to the area Lavinia doesn't understand. She remarks that Bill Pollock will be pleased to see Lavinia go; he has shares in the estate market garden that Lavinia co-owns and he does the selling, so her absence gives him a free hand. Lavinia dismisses this; the garden is looked after by George Tracey, a clever man with the soil, whatever Juno may think about him. Two removal men enter and are about to take away a large packing case, but Lavinia asks them to leave it. It's for her niece, and had been in her Croydon house before moving to the village. It never got opened and she hopes that when she arrives she will finally get around to it. Juno asks about her and about Lavinia's ward, Brendan. The scientist has arranged for him to stay on at the boarding school he attends until her niece, journalist Sarah Jane Smith, can collect him after she arrives at Morton Harwood on the 18th.

The 18th comes and Sarah arrives, driving a convertible Mini Metro. She finds the house seemingly deserted until George Tracey wanders up. He tells her that Lavinia went the previous week, which Sarah finds strange until she realises she's missed the cable to Reuters that Tracey says had been sent; she's been delayed abroad covering a story. He gives her a bunch of keys and tells her he's in the cottage just past the market garden. He's a surly customer, and Sarah doesn't know quite how to take him. He wanders off without a backward glance as she lets herself into the house.

Inside Sarah makes use of the phone in the study to check if a cable has indeed been sent, and notices the large packing case Lavinia has left for her. Atop it is a note her aunt has left; "It is to be hoped, dear, that you will at last find a feverish moment. It was crammed into the attic at Croydon for years and I've just disinterred it again here." A phone call confirms that no cable has been sent from the house, as there is a ring at the door. Sarah answers it to find the same youth who was at the ceremony, Peter Tracey, George's son, bearing a flask of tea. She is barely able to exchange thanks with him before the phone rings again. Peter goes and Sarah takes the call. It is from Brendan. She tells him she's got delayed and will call at the school for him tomorrow. He tells not to - he's in a phone box at Chipping Norton station and will be frozen stiff by then! She's not best pleased that he got fed up waiting, and irked she sets off to collect him.

When she reaches the station, she quizzes the lanky youth about her aunt's call to the school; he knows little other than he was to wait and that Lavinia was wanted earlier. Sarah is suspicious, but can't pin it down to anything. Brendan wonders if she's home in the UK for good, to which she replies with obvious regret that she is. He's pleased; he hopes to go to the local comprehensive instead of boarding and could use an ally to persuade Lavinia. Sarah's not enamoured with being a surrogate mum, so he'll have to persuade her first. Not easy, as Brendan comes over as a bit of a know-it-all type.

Arriving home at Moreton Harwood, they come face to face with Jasper, an Alsatian before meeting his owner, Commander Bill Pollock, who's let himself in as he often does he says when Sarah's aunt is there. He's set the fire for her return and they sit down to talk. Questioned about the market garden he admits that they've had two bad years and another will finish them off. Brendan's assertion that growing is very scientific now doesn't go down well with the 'common sense and experience' man, but is pleased that Sarah will not interfere in his running of it. She has returned to write a book, so will be busy in her own right. She questions Pollock about her aunt's abrupt departure and he also mentions a cable, but that it may have been sent from the village post office. He asks if she knows who her aunt's hosts were to be in the States, but all Sarah is sure of is that the trip was arrange by one of Lavinia's many agents. He asserts that someone will know as the phone rings. It is Juno, who invites Sarah over for a drink if she's not too tired after travelling. Sarah asks to think it over and hangs up, but Juno tells her husband Howard that Sarah will come in a manner that smacks of entrapment?

Pollock advises her not to go, if for no other reason than the Bakers are their rivals in the business. "He's (Baker) so big that what he loses on the swings, he gains on the roundabouts - and we haven't got any roundabouts" he ruefully admits. He departs to leave Sarah and Brendan to unpack, and the first thing they decide to open is the mysterious packing case. Inside they find something unexpected - a mechanical dog! Examining it, Sarah accidentally activates it and discovers it is K9 Mark 3, a name that sends Brendan into hoots of laughter. Following up on the dog's assertion, she asks where he is from, to which he replies from the Doctor. Sarah's face lights up at the name, and the thought that her great friend really didn't forget her. K9 relays the Doctor's last words before he was deactivated; "The Doctor last spoke in 1978 Earth Years, he said 'Give Sarah Jane Smith my fondest love, tell her I shall remember her always'." This greeting from across the years along with its bearer and what he represents is obviously far more of a homecoming than Sarah could have wished for, and is very grateful. Brendan and K9 then go on to explain to the bemused Sarah about how he works etcetera, but Sarah is now thinking more about what the Doctor would do in her situation. K9 enquires and she explains about this feeling of intuition concerning Lavinia. K9 asserts "Curiosity, a course of annihilation of feline species but also only leads to human knowledge." Leaving them to amuse themselves, Sarah decides to indulge her curiosity at the Post Office.

Visiting Lily Gregson at the Post Office, which has shut early on Fridays as usual, Sarah tells her she wants to send a cable but also wants to know if Lavinia sent a telegram via her. Lily tells her that she didn't see her aunt for over a fortnight before going away and that she didn't even say goodbye, something she herself found strange and not like her.

Back at the house, Brendan and K9 are having a whale of a time. He asks the dog what he knows about horticulture and specifically soil analysis. K9 requests a soil sample, and Brendan goes out to get one telling him to remain there. Brendan is observed from within one of the greenhouses by George Tracey as he gets the sample and goes back inside.

Over tea, Lily suggests that Lavinia may have forgotten to contact her; clever people can be absent-mined she asserts, and also reveals that the scientist had upset local people with her letters to the Standard, railing against the local beliefs in the 'black arts'. When Sarah questions if it still goes on, the post mistress tells her no more, but it doesn't stop people believing. She goes and fetches a form for Sarah's cable.

Sarah returns home to find Brendan and K9 pondering the soil analysis. She stays just long enough to decide to take the Bakers up on their offer of a drink, but it doesn't turn out to be the quiet affair she thinks; the Bakers are having a pre-festive party. Still, Juno tries to put Sarah at ease regarding Lavinia and introduces her to the editor of the Standard, Henry Tobias.

Brendan and K9 compare technical gobbledegook, unaware that they have uninvited guests until one of them stumbles into something in the darkened hall. Brendan hears a knock and goes to investigate, thinking Sarah has returned. He is attacked by both men, who turn out to be the Traceys. K9 stuns Peter and George flees in terror into the market garden. Suggesting Peter is tied up, K9 pursues but is confused by a 'garden goblin' - a garden gnome! - and causes a ladder and timber to crash onto one of the greenhouses, shattering the glass. George escapes into the dark as Peter warns Brendan he must leave before 'they' get him and Sarah. When Brendan goes to investigate the crash Peter struggles free of his bonds and escapes too.

At the party, Sarah remonstrates with Tobias; he didn't have to print her aunt's letter. He feels it wouldn't have done her any real harm and amused him so he though it would other people; it certainly livened up the letters page! Howard tells Juno he has to go out for a while; something's come up he can't avoid, so she shoos him away as Tobias makes amends by suggesting how her aunt may be contacted in the States and offers Sarah his card.

Brendan and K9 return to find Peter gone. At George's cottage he is in a real state, telling an unseen visitor about being attacked by "Hecate's familiar, a great white dog belching fire." He tells the visitor it got Peter, but his son appears and George curses him for bringing the dog after them. Peter didn't see any dog; K9 stunned him from behind, and George's story seems to fall to shreds.

Sarah arrives home to hear about the night's break-in and to protest that she locked the back door, their point of entry, but is pleased at K9's action. They resolve to lock every door and window in the house and next morning she and Brendan survey the damage with Bill Pollock and George Tracey, who has told Pollock that a "large white dog" did it. Sarah admits she wasn't in so heard nothing, but suggests that whoever attacked Brendan was the real culprit. George looks on nervously as Pollock questions Brendan, who takes the credit for stunning Peter - they can hardly reveal K9 - and says they both got away but he'd recognise the younger man again. Sarah tells the men that the police are coming to take a statement and asks about the growing. Brendan, using K9's figures as if they're his own, asks George if the soil isn't too acidic and offends the grower; with different acidity levels all over the land, you need more than science to grow things here. He goes off leaving Pollock to explain how things stand to the newcomers. The police arrive to take Brendan's statement and Pollock and his faithful hound take their leave to go dog hunting?

At their cottage, George tries to put the fear of God - or in this case Hecate - into Peter; if he doesn't go and grab Brendan before he can identify him, the goddess's revenge will be terrible. Peter, who has a criminal record, is afraid of getting caught and is torn between the two fates, prison and something worse?

That night Brendan goes to bed, cautioned by Sarah to check everything's locked before he goes up. Checking the front door which is unlatched, he hears a hiss from outside and foolishly opens the door. There he is grabbed and bundled away while the phone wire on the wall outside is also cut. Unaware that Brendan has been taken, Sarah peruses her aunt's library, finds some books on witchcraft and stays up to read late into the night.

Next morning, she discovers Brendan's bed's not been slept in and the phone is dead. Acting on the assertion that she knows who it was who originally attacked Brendan, Sarah takes K9 to the Tracey cottage and finds it empty. K9 suggests that he remains there hidden while Sarah leaves to report Brendan's disappearance to the police and tell of her suspicion that Peter Tracey is the culprit. Bill Pollock, who has arrived with Sarah to report Brendan missing, informs her that Peter is on a suspended sentence for housebreaking. Sarah immediately wants action however the police tell her that George has already been in to report Peter's disappearance late the previous night. Sarah wonders what is happening with the place and is less than enthused with Sergeant Wilson's suggestion that her wisest course of action is to stay by the telephone, particularly as hers is out of order. She leave the station in a huff, followed by Pollock and resolves to go and see George as she's certain he knows more about this. After being wished a Merry Christmas by Lily Gregson, Pollock drives her to the Tracey cottage but no one is there - except K9. She returns to the house with Pollock, who offers to get he phone fixed. As they part, George Tracey appears; he is obviously still keeping tabs on her movements.

Sarah tries to get on with work, but cannot through worry for Brendan who is still unconscious at the sacrificial site. That evening, Tracey receives a visit from Vince Wilson, the sergeant, who it transpires is also a follower of Hecate. But he has nagging doubts over what George is asking him and the others do; there hasn't been a human sacrifice since 1891 and Tracey is obviously intending that Brendan be the first. Tracey tells him that Hecate's laws are higher than those of the police and he's sworn a vow, but Vince leaves very troubled. Sarah watches him go, followed moments later by George before slipping inside the cottage to get K9's report. When the dog tells her what Tracey intends she sets off to try and catch up with the sergeant. She does so sooner than she expects; Vince has pulled up on his bike, scared by an apparition in front of him and keels over with shock. When Sarah's car draws up, she finds him dead in the middle of the road of a heart attack; he has mistaken a white farm goat for a familiar of Hecate's, come to exact revenge for questioning orders.

Going to see Bill Pollock, she tells him what 'she' has overheard. He seems to accept her story and Sarah is relieved that someone believes her story; after reporting Vince's 'accident', she has told her tale to a disbelieving crowd of policemen and got nowhere. He escorts her home; there's nothing more to be done tonight he tells he but they will get to the bottom of it tomorrow. However, this is not true; the Hecate cult is initiating the reluctant Peter Tracey so that he will be part of them in time for the winter solstice.

Come next morning, Sarah finds herself alone once more Pollock has also gone missing. With no one else to turn to, Sarah goes to see the Bakers, but polite as they are, the do little more than humour her or in this case irritate her. Unable to tell the truth about how she knows about the witchcraft, Howard suggests she misheard it, but Sarah vehemently denies she did; she is compos mentis and an experienced journalist and she knows what 'she' heard. Juno suggests she go home and relax; she'll get the local doctor to drop in on her and Howard will make enquiries and get the phone fixed for her. Sarah capitulates; clearly she is going to get no practical help, apart from a repaired phone, here so she returns home.

K9 has been studying the books Sarah found on witchcraft and when she tells him she doesn't know what else she can do, he asks for a large scale map of the area. Asserting that witches power is increased by hallowed ground, he plots the position of every local church and asks his mistress for a specific radius. Within the five miles she suggests he identifies eight. Sarah decides to check them all, but K9 cautions her; they have little time as the solstice, December 22nd, begins at midnight that night! The repaired phone rings; it is Juno offering to entertain her tonight with a meal, as she and Howard don't think she should be left alone, but Sarah begs off, she would be poor company. Replacing the phone, she and K9 set off.

Out on the road, a farm tractor cuts straight across in front of her and Sarah has to swerve wildly to avoid it. Could someone be trying to kill her, or at least stop her finding Brendan? K9 voices the opinion that it is a possibility. At the police station, Howard finds it strangely deserted; any help to find the missing Bill Pollock, Brendan or anyone else looks unlikely.

That night, Sarah continues searching the churches and their grounds for any sign of Brendan; they've covered three since setting off with no luck. Meanwhile Brendan is finally coming round as the cult come to fetch him to get him ready for the ceremony. By now Sarah and K9 have covered six, and it's almost midnight. K9 examines the map and makes Sarah aware that there is a chapel closer to home, at the local manor. Together they rush back towards Moreton Harwood, aware they are running out of time and in fact the ceremony has begun as midnight approaches. Brendan is brought before the alter, obviously drugged and unaware of what fate is to befall him.

Sarah's Metro speeds down country lanes towards the manor as K9 counts down the time towards midnight… 11:57… the car turns onto the Moreton Harwood road… 11:58… she turns a corner approaching the manor house. Brendan is made to kneel before the Priestess, who waves the incense burner in front of him… 11:59… Sarah's car pulls up and she gets out, pulling the heavy computer after her. Brendan is laid on the alter ready to be sacrificed…11:59 and 30 seconds… as Sarah moves forward to observe what is happening and rescue Brendan, K9 interjects - he must protect her and moves in to break up the ceremony. As the Priest and Priestess make to complete the sacrifice of Brendan, K9 shoots them both, then sets about blasting areas around the site, terrorising the cult members who start to flee. Sarah intercepts Mr Tobias and knocks him down herself before running to the alter and finding the slowly recovering Brendan. Sure that he is going to be alright, she pulls the masks off the Priestess and Priest revealing mild-mannered Lily Gregson and supposed confidente Bill Pollock!

Later, back at the Baker's, Howard lets the Chief Constable out; Sarah's a hit with him for unmasking the coven and the trial of them all will begin after Christmas. Brendan wonders if the papers could be right; could there be more covens across the country, dealing in human sacrifice. Sarah teases him – is he human then?! Sobering, she admits to Juno and Howard that four days before she believed they were both part of it, which elicits laughter from both as the phone rings. Howard answers it; it is a call from Lavinia! Sarah takes it and rebukes her aunt for not letting her know where she was; it transpires that Pollock knew all the time and was to have cabled Sarah. With that now explained, Sarah starts to mention a certain packing case? Back at the house, K9 left all on his own while Sarah and Brendan sample the Baker's hospitality tries to make sense of what humans call 'singing'. His rendition of 'We Wish You A Merry Christmas' is novel to say the least…

 
 

Cast List

 
Sarah Jane Smith ................................ Elizabeth Sladen

Voice of K9 ................................................. John Leeson

Commander Bill Pollock ................................ Bill Fraser

Brendan Richards ........................................... Ian Sears

George Tracey ......................................... Colin Jeavons

Peter Tracey ........................................... Sean Chapman

Aunt Lavinia ............................................ Mary Wimbush

Juno Baker .................................................. Linda Polan

Lilly Gregson ............................................ Gillian Martell

Howard Baker .......................................... Neville Barber

Henry Tobias ........................................... John Quarmby

Sergeant Vince Wilson ............................ Nigel Gregory

PC Carter ................................................ Stephen Oxley


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article copyright PPS / M.Hearn 2005